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Trust the uh-oh feeling: teaching kids it's OK to say no to adults
Kids are taught from day one to be polite to adults. To listen. To do as they're told.
Let's undo some of that.
Why polite can be dangerous
NCMEC's Callahan Walsh says that more than 83% of the time, when a child gets away from someone trying to take them, it's because of something the child did. They ran, yelled, kicked or pulled away.
They weren't polite. NCMEC's own research on attempted abductions reaches the same conclusion: the children who escaped did something, rather than being passive or polite.
Three things your child can do
- Say no. It's not just OK to say no to a grown-up when something feels wrong. They must say no, loudly and without apologising.
- Walk away. Go somewhere people can see them.
- Tell someone. A grown-up they trust, or a member of staff in uniform.
Name the feeling
Children don't always have the words for why something feels wrong. Giving that feeling a name, like the uh-oh feeling, gives them a simple way to notice it and talk about it.
Tell them the feeling is there for a reason, and they never need to explain it before acting on it.
Adults ask adults for help
A common trick is an adult asking a child for help, like finding a lost puppy or carrying something. NCMEC's advice is simple: adults should ask other adults, not children.
Have your child practise saying "I can't help you" in a firm voice, standing one or two arm's lengths away.
It includes people they know
This isn't only about strangers. NCMEC suggests telling children to come to you straight away if anyone asks them to keep a secret, makes them uncomfortable or tries to take them somewhere.
Anyone means anyone.
Aware, not afraid
We aren't teaching kids to be scared of everything. The opposite is true. We're teaching them to be aware of everything, so nothing is scary.
Be loud. Be seen. Be aware.
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Our code word kit
How to pick your family code word, the rules to agree, and reminder cards your child can carry that never show the word.
We're building Mya'Shield, an early alert device that lets parents know when something seems off, so you can act fast when it matters.